Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
