I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize