What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
