I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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