Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nicole vs. Life
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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