Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
