i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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