I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize