Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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