ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
