I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
