well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
