my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
