If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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