every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize