Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
