He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
