I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
