he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
