It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
