Can i not drive my cunt home
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
