Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This baby is an asshole
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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