Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize