Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
