So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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