the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
