ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think your dad took our porno
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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