I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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