Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
