He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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