I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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