so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ladies don't puke and tell
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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