tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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