The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize