someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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