im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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