think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
