Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lost the right to judge tonight
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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