i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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