Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
