just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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