Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
