I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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