Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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