She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
