He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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