THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
