I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Will exercising make me less horny?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize