??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
