He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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