she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
