Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
