I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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