every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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