And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
