I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
