I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
