I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
