Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
