She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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