Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
