I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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