It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
