Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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