I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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