I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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