Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just high enough for therapy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize