i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
