put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My feet surprised me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
