It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
