Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
