1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
