were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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