Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
