Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
