Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
