tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
