so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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